The Dude Testament

15. No funny shtuff.

Because Walter tries to pull a fast one on the kidnappers, the hand-off is completely botched. You see what happens? Do you see what happens? Trying to scam someone is all too often not worth it. Honesty, humility, and honor may be as unfashionable as the Dude’s shoes these days, but they’re still the foundation of all successful human relations. As a result of this funny shtuff, it seems that the kidnappers are going to kill Bunny.

Morally self-serving Walter, conversely, is unfazed, suggesting they go bowling and forget about the whole thing. He is conveniently confident that Bunny is in on the scam and so is in no danger. Not that he would care if she were, though, having already labeled her a “fucking bitch” and a “whore” and somehow blaming her for the death of his fellow soldiers decades before she was born. Despite any of these thorny ethical issues, Walter is utterly consoled by the fact that they still have the million dollars. Like many in the neoconservative movement his character will ultimately presage, he may speak the currency of values, but when it comes down to it, what he truly values is currency. He says: