67

It may seem that the Dude is a bum,

But at the same time, he is the man for his time and place.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Dudeness is both a complicated case and a simple plan.

It is only because the Dude is both simple and complicated

That he can call himself the Dude.

If a man gets too complex,

Something always goes wrong.

And if a man is too simple,

He is like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie.

Here are three highly commendable commendations:

The first is abiding,

The second is restraint,

The third is not being a fucking asshole.

In abiding, one does not worry.

With restraint, one gets out of things cheap.

By not being a fucking asshole, nothing is fucked here.

Those who can’t worry about shit, but cannot abide,

Who take things easy, but perhaps too easy,

Or who are not wrong, but are still fucking assholes—

They are fucking this up.

Only abiding overcomes all,

And is bested by none.

It can win a foot soldier’s war,

Provide for inner city children of promise,

And give comfort to strangers.

Truly, everything is preserved by abiding:

It is nature’s heaviest bowling ball,

Its biggest scissors.

And its most beautiful plan—

A Swiss fucking watch!

Tao Te Ching: 67

Though everyone knows that Tao is great,

It appears utterly confounding.

Of course, it is only because it is confounding

That it can remain so great—

If its meaning could be easily picked apart,

It would have long ago lost its value!

Here are three great virtues for mankind to treasure:

The first is compassion,

The second is moderation,

The third is humility.

Compassion gives rise to courage,

Moderation gives rise to prosperity,

And humility gives rise to cooperation.

However:

One can be courageous without compassion,

Prosperous without moderation,

And cooperative without humility.

But this goes against the way of Tao,

And so will usher in a great decay.

Above all, compassion can accomplish anything:

From winning a war,

To protecting a populace.

Truly, everything that endures in nature

Is predicated upon, and preserved by compassion.